Does Dead Broke = Deadbeat?

Can’t Pay & Won’t Pay Ex’s Face The Courts

 

By DAVID PISARRA

 

     “Deadbeat Dads” has been the headliner of multiple stories in the Chicago Sun-Times for decades. Cook County launched “Operation Father’s Pay”; Butler County in Ohio put faces of these so called deadbeats on pizza boxes; and the Los Angeles County District Attorney announced their “Most Wanted Delinquent Parent” list. Several other states have begun similar campaigns to collect on un-paid child support. All of these humiliating campaigns launched against these fathers would have us believe that the men targeted are insensitive deadbeats who are selfishly stiffing their children; however, research contradicts this.

The fact that many of these types of campaigns struggle to come up with alleged “deadbeats” who have an education or a middle-class job might give less zealous public officials cause to stop and pause. Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement data shows that two-thirds of those behind on child support nationwide earn poverty level wages; less than four percent of the national child support debt is owed by those earning $40,000 or more a year. According to the largest federally-funded study of divorced dads ever conducted, unemployment, not willful neglect, is the largest cause of failure to pay child support.

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First lawyer visit

Tomorrow is my first lawyer visit. I’m glad and nervous at the time. I’m glad to finally be getting something done legally. I’m nervous because I’m not sure I’m fully prepared for the meeting. I’ve been looking online for any questions that I should ask the lawyer about the legal side of divorce but I haven’t really found anything.

 

I know I have to bring my soon to be ex’s new address. Other than that I really have no idea.

 

I don’t think the process will take long. We have no children, no house, no assets to split, no joint accounts, no shared bills or debts. We both have our own stuff and are satisfied with that. I guess this should be an easy, no contested divorce. Probably the only easy thing about this entire ordeal. Go figure.

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My best friend, the other woman

Last night I was talking with my best friend in WA. She was very happy and excited, which was a nice change as she’s been pretty down since her boyfriend left her last month.

 

    ”He’s coming back! He says he loves and misses me and he’s moving back in!”

 

    ”Wow! So…what did he tell his wife?”

 

    Yep, she’s been seeing a married man with 2 kids for over a year now. He and one child are legally citizens of the U.S. and his wife and the other child are Mexican citizens. Last year, his wife took the children to Mexico to assist her ailing mother while he stayed in WA to work to send them money. My friend moved in with him the day after his wife left. They’ve been living together in the home he shared with his wife and children for over a year, until last month.

   He had a twinge of conscious and decided he wanted to move to Mexico to be with his family and “do the right thing.” My friend was heartbroken but respected his decision and thought it was the right thing to do. You see, she sees the perfect arrangement as “sharing,” him. She thinks he should be there for his family, but also for her. She once told me that she would love for his wife and children to live somewhere near by and he could go between houses according to the kids’ needs…and his. He no longer wants his wife, but can’t stand the thought of losing the kids. Apparently, divorce is very shunned by their culture and family and, from the very beginning, it was understood that he would never get a divorce, nor would he ever tell his wife about my friend. She walked into this with eyes wide open.

    So, after being with his family for about a month, his wife asked for a divorce! She’d finally had it with his lying and told him to fuck off. So now he’s moving back to WA and back in with my friend. She’s elated and can barely contain herself.

    Could this possibly work? And why would she think he wouldn’t do the same to her someday? How do I act happy for her when I’m actually pretty disgusted?

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In The Middle Of Planning A Wedding, You Break Up. Now What?

Who Is Responsible For The Expenses If The Relationship Ends?

Planning a wedding? Take a lesson from RoseMary Shell, who dumped her high-paying job to move to another state to live with her fiancé before their wedding. A Georgia jury last week awarded Shell $150,000 in a breach of contract lawsuit she filed against Wayne Gibbs, who dumped her just days before their planned wedding.

But experts say she’s partially responsible for what happened by not being financial smart, despite her emotional commitment. “This woman foolishly left a good-paying job for the hope of being married. Frankly, I’m surprised the courts awarded her $150,000. I think they did her — and all women — a disservice by suggesting that it’s okay to relinquish the power you have to the title of Mrs.,” said Dr. Gilda Carle, a internationally-known relationship expert, author and therapist who operates a private practice in New York  and has a Web site at www.Dr.Gilda.com.

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Ex Showing Up Late Or Not Showing At All (for visitation)?

Part of your responsibility as the custodial parent is to encourage and assist with visitation. Kids need two parents in their lives, and it takes two parents to make visitation plans work. However, there are some non-custodial parents who either skip visitation or think it should revolve around their lives. Dealing with these situations can be challenging. Here are some suggestions to help.

1. The No-Show:
If the other parent does not come for visitation on any regular basis, you may be at a loss as to what to do. Should have your child ready and waiting only to be disappointed time after time? Should you give up on visitation completely? Will you get in trouble if you no longer make your child available? If you’re in a situation where your child is regularly being disappointed by a no-show parent, it is in the best interest of your child if you stop getting ready for visitation at the scheduled times. The excitement and letdown can truly be too much for any child.

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Can You Get Joint Custody Post Divorce?

Joint custody is an important factor that may have been overlooked during the divorce process. Circumstances in the future can change and it is best to prepare ahead of time for any eventuality. Changing the custody of children after a divorce can be relatively simple if both parents agree, though relocation can be an issue later. The court will rule based upon what is in the best interests of the child.

 

Is It Cheaper To Hire A Paralegal?

If you are looking for an affordable method to file for divorce, using a paralegal may be the way to go.  

Amy Wishart of DoItYourselfDocuments has worked as a paralegal in the state of Washington for several years. Wishart said she provides a service that saves people time and money. “The main benefit is the savings as whole,” Wishart said. “If they have nothing to divide then it’s the easiest and most inexpensive way to get a divorce.”

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Ex a Threat to Your Kid

The media regularly reports on the tragic deaths of children at the hands of a divorced parent, often as retaliation against an ex, sometimes in a sudden fit of anger, and always for reasons only a troubled mind can decipher. Each news report is met with collective horror but the individual reviews are mixed: some of us believe it can never happen to us; others think it most certainly will. Both conclusions can be dangerously wrong.  

If there is danger of your ex harming your children and you are either unaware or in denial, the results can be deadly. On the other hand, if there is no danger despite your fears and you overreact on your paranoia, you can destroy the lives of your children and your ex. “It’s often difficult to immediately determine who is a victim of child abuse and who is a victim of parental wars,” bemoans Dr. Kristi Murphy, clinical director of ChildHelp Children’s Center in Phoenix, Ariz. 

 

Need some low down dirty ideas

My stbx recently bought this truck and pretty much is using my back yard for free storage I guess.

 

I need some ideas on how to send the truck off with love……..(shrimp in the vents?)

 

Any ideas??

 

Read all the ideas and add your suggestions here

 

Married and Coming Out

On the morning of his 21st wedding anniversary, Randy Spires woke up expecting kisses and a loving note from his wife, affirming their lives together. Instead he found he’d been blind-copied on an e-mail to her female lover. “It was like taking every emotion you ever had and putting it on the tumble setting in your clothes dryer,” says Spires.  

Despite the initial shock of finding out that his wife was having an affair — and a same-sex one, at that — Spires hoped to salvage the marriage. “I’d just completed my military career, and she was starting to get traction in her own job. So for a year and a half we went off in different directions, working different shifts. I was giving her an opportunity to grow, just as she had given me, during my career. I loved her, I trusted her.  If you’ve only been married once, you don’t know what to expect.”

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